Toddler Friendly Chores

Cleaning up toys
What he can do: Pick them up off the floor and sort them into buckets or onto a low shelf
What he can't: Stay focused enough to tackle a huge mess
How to help: Establish a place for every toy; clean up one mess before making another

Putting away clothes
What he can do: Hang his jacket on a hook; place shoes in a closet; toss dirty things into a basket
What he can't: Tell the difference between clean and dirty clothes
How to help: Hang low hooks near the entry; place a hamper near his room or bathroom; add "put clothes away" to your coming-home and bedtime routines

Setting the table
What he can do: Place napkins, forks, spoons, and plastic cups (maybe plates)
What he can't: Carry sharp knives; be responsible for your best china
How to help: Lay out one place setting as a model; work on plates one day, napkins the next

Dusting
What he can do: Wipe a cloth on a surface right in front of him
What he can't: Thoroughly clean large surfaces; dig into corners; move objects to dust
How to help: Fill a clean spray bottle with water; closely supervise spraying; suggest he move down the table when one spot is done

Sweeping
What he can do: Imitate your motions with a broom; push dirt around
What he can't: Actually gather dust into a pile
How to help: Offer a kid-size broom and dustpan; hold the dustpan while he sweeps

Raising Compassionate Kids

While rummaging through an old box, my daughter, Claire, came across the stuffed bear I'd had when I was her age, a deeply loved creature named Teddy. "How come Teddy has no fur?" she asked. "Why doesn't she have eyes?" I explained that my cousin's dog had chewed up Teddy when I was a kid. She was aghast.

Gravely, she kissed Teddy's empty eye sockets. Somberly, she reported to her twin brother, Drew, what had happened. "We've got to fix her," she said.

As it turns out, children have an inborn capacity for compassion. Small in stature themselves, they naturally identify with stuffed animals, other kids, pets, and underdogs. The tricky part is that their empathy must compete with other developmental forces, including limited impulse control — which makes them pull the cat's tail — and their belief that their needs absolutely must come first — which makes it hard for them to let their cousin push the cool fire truck.

But with so much hatred and turmoil in the world today, it seems more important than ever to raise kids who can understand and be kind to other people. Teaching this doesn't mean lectures or visits to soup kitchens. It's part of day-to-day life: how you answer your child's questions, how you solve conflict at the park, how you nudge his or her growing capacity to understand and think about other people. Temperament of course plays a role — some kids are naturally more tuned in to other people's feelings and difficulties, while others are a bit oblivious. Either way, you have influence in fostering your child's ability to empathize. Age by age, here's how to do so in small, daily doses:

Promote sweetness

Teaching your child ways to treat things with care helps him develop the understanding that actions have consequences.

Show how to be gentle. Your child wants to be friendly but ends up grabbing the baby roughly? Demonstrate another way. "I say, 'We use our hands to give love,'" says Kimberly Mazone of Dresden, Maine, mother of 4-year-old Sienna and 3-month-old Lucca. "'You're being a little bit rough. Let's be gentle. Let's show our love with our hands.'" You can actually take his hand and show him physically what a gentle touch is.

Speak softly. Your kindness will be a role model for how to treat others. When your child's in pain, be warm and caring. "It's all about the tone in your voice," says Emily Mihalchik, a mom of 2-year-old Sam and director of the Johnnie Appleseed Preschool, in Lawrence, Kansas. If a child's friend is crying, "I say, 'Maybe a hug would be nice,'" says Mihalchik. Young toddlers don't have a very consistent long-term memory, so you'll have to repeat your lessons more times than you thought possible.

Reject rudeness. "I see fifteen-month-olds who do things like spit into their parents' faces, and the parents laugh," says Susan Jensen, a mom of two and director of Children's Nook preschool, in North Charleston, South Carolina. This will not do. Compassion requires that your child respect others, including you. Gently but firmly, say "No, you may not spit!" In the same loving but no-nonsense manner, remove his little feet from the table and unlock his fist from your hair.

Say "I'm sorry." If you've been short-tempered with your child, apologize to him. All parents make mistakes. It's how you address them afterward that makes the difference. He'll learn that everyone, even Mom, admits it when she's wrong.

NATURALLY BAD CHILDREN

If some children seem like they were born to be bad, new research suggests it may be true.

In a study of adult twins and their children, researchers found that genes, rather than parents' own argumentative behavior, seemed key in the children's odds of serious conduct problems — like bullying, skipping school and shoplifting.

The findings, published in the journal Child Development, touch on the classic nature-versus-nurture question.

In the case of child behavior, research has linked parents' marital conflicts to long-term, serious conduct problems in their children. However, it has been unclear whether that means that marital woes themselves cause the behavioral problems.

The new findings suggest it's more a matter of genes. That is, parents who are naturally argumentative pass on these traits to their kids.

"Marital conflict doesn't appear, in this study, to cause stable patterns of conduct disorder," explained lead study author K. Paige Harden of the University of Virginia in Charlottesville.

"Rather, marital conflict is influenced by parents' own characteristics — including their genes —and these genes are passed on to children," she told Reuters Health.

Harden and her colleagues arrived at their conclusions by studying 1,045 adult twins and their children. Some of the twin pairs were identical, which means they shared all of their genes; the rest were fraternal, meaning they shared only some of their genes.

Such studies allow researchers to tease out the effects of genes and environment on a given behavior.

In this case, Harden's team found that genetic influences were important in parents' marital conflicts, and genes, in turn, explained the link between marital discord and children's conduct problems.

No 'argument' gene
There may be no "argument" gene, but genes do influence personality traits, including those that make people more or less prone to confrontation.

According to Harden, it's possible that genes involved in risk-taking, sensation-seeking and other aspects of antisocial behavior may make parents more likely to clash, and, when passed on to their kids, make conduct problems more likely.

However, the researchers stress, none of this means that fights between parents do no harm to children.

Even if genes are more important in long-term, serious behavioral problems, parents' conflicts do distress their kids, explained Dr. Robert E. Emery, a professor of psychology at the University of Virginia and a co-author on the study.

The study "does not mean that children are unaffected by parents' disputes," he told Reuters Health.

"Think about how you feel when friends, a couple you know, start fighting. Now make them your parents, you're six, and they're screaming about moving out. Parental conflicts definitely are not healthy for children."

AFTER THE RAIN